I’ve had a hard time lately so I took time to figure it out why.
I stopped shooting nudes. I posted about the possibility of stopping forever. Then I decied to stop for two months.
But I figured it out and so it’s over. Back to shooting nudes.
Maybe your wondering what’s up with me? Why?
I grew up in the LDS church. I grew up believing that respecting women included not looking at them in a sexual manner. Women and men wear(I am still respectful and I am not saying this to pock fun) longer underwear to cover up parts of the body that the LDS faith believes are personal.This keeps impure thoughts forming in our minds.
I grew up putting women on pedestals and looking up to the them. They were way more important than men. Men can’t get into the highest kingdom of heaven without a woman. They really do respect women in their own way. The problem is when you look up to someone in an improper way you place yourself below them. I looked down at myself. I looked down at manhood.
And I also believe this makes some LDS women feel they have the right to tell you want to do. This is what I call a controlling woman.This is also why I won’t date anyone who still believes in the LDS faith. –Note..not just LDS Faith but anyone who is controlling or manipulative. It’s easy to spot now.
A few years ago I posted an image of a female model in body suit. It was a swimsuit with sleeves. With in a few minutes I was sent a message by a Mormon woman who told me to take it down because it was degrading to women. I told her to “Fuck off”. Ah.. I’m not so angry about life now and I wish I would have taken a different approach but it is what it is.
Another time I posted an image of a model in a dance outfit. Again. Another LDS woman who I used to know messaged me and said. “ Hey! That’s not appropriate. Please take it down!” I said Fuck off to her too.
One thing I never understood is how people will go to a museum and spend a day looking at beautiful nudes painted by some of the most talented painters in the history of the world but when a photo is taken it somehow becomes gross and disrespectful. Hmm. I don’t know if I ever understand that one.
Recently I left a job where I spent most of my time camping out in the desert and helping young men and women who struggle with Drug and internet addictions learn how to cope and overcome their struggles in life.
While I was out there I learned to understand the importance of a tribe. I learned to understand how we have to depend on each other. We feel safe when when have a support system and people who love us and we can depend on. I loved those kids. They are some of my favorite people in the world.
And I brought that idea back.
There is a problem though and I don’t live in the desert under a tarp now. I live in the real world.
One afternoon we sat around a fire and one of the guys in the group asked another one of the leaders this question.
“Soon I’ll go back into the real world and I have to figure out a way to take what I learned out here and apply it to the real world. What do take from this experience?
The answer the leader gave was… The core principle of the things you learn here. For example., busting a coal. Only 1 percent of the people in the world can bust a coal. The core principle? You can learn skills that are valuable and rare and those skills give you confidence. Skills and confidence can give a living.
For those of you who don’t know what busting a coal is, it’s when you use two sticks to create a enough friction that a create a small hot coal. From that small coal you create fire.
I sat in my bed last night and wondered why I am doubting myself. I have this principle that I have to be in my tribe and I don’t fit. I am the rebellious one. I am the one who left the religion. I am the outcast.
And what i came understand about myself it I still have this fear of being alone, without my tribe.
My sister blocked me. She thinks what I do is gross. Another one of my brothers, I’m pretty sure he thinks what I do is evil. My parents are supportive but behind the scenes. I have one brother who I feel close to and he is supportive and loving and understanding.
So I’m at the point where I have to decide what is more important. Stay in the tribe and feeling comfortable or leaving.
I know they don’t say good things about me when I am not around. I don’t expect that to change. To be straight up, It hurts.
I’m not here to attack any religion but my personal beliefs are the one I grew up in is backwards and psychologically unhealthy. I believe that most are places of control and manipulation and unhealthy, but you believe what you want. We all get the right to think and feel how we want.
If I stay I am living my life to please other people and this a broken boundary.
See, our boundaries are not broken by other people. Broken boundaries cause us pain because don’t understand healthy boundaries.
Our boundaries are broken because we don’t enforce them! My family members have boundaries and I have boundaries and when two boundaries collide only a few things can happen. No! Not war! Lol. Separation.
This is not 500 years ago where If I left the tribe I might die.
This fear, that we might lose our tribe is the core fear for abandonment.
It can be a force of destruction if we let it. It’s also something that is only in us because of organic biology and it doesn’t apply to us in 2018.
I’m not going to die or because my family doesn’t approve of what I do, how I live, or accept me for who I am.
But it is going to be painful to know I don’t belong
I’ve put myself in some pretty painful spots before and I always come out of them so I’ll be fine. I’m not worried much. The best thing about this entire last few weeks I came to understand myself better and I feel like I understand others better too. And now I can move on!
This fear of abandonment is also at the root of why some women hate nudes. If the men they love look at nudes, they might leave someday and find someone else.
Fear is the poison that destroys our lives.
My approach to fear has changed over my life. I used to run away and hide from it. Now I want to understand it. I want to face it. I want to kick it’s ass!
Living in the desert was amazing. The best principle that I will take from it is that we have to know ourselves. We have to deeply understand who we are and where we come from. We have to understand why we do things because there is a peace in understanding that you can’t get from anything else!
After all of this I’ve made a decision. It’s time to go start my own tribe!
Enroll in my SLC Boudoir Workshop! There are limited spots!
It’s on July 21st!
It’s 275 for the first day! This is the day we shoot models!
The second day is 99 dollars and I’ll teach you how to start/run your business
You can do both days for 309!
Message or call me for more details!
P.S. I know! The dude above is really good looking! That’s cause Jacob a pro model who works for companies like Abercrobie. The Girl in the photo below him is also a pro model named Maddy. She’s awesome! And the next models down is great friend who likes knives. 😉 I love meeting amazing people and these are just a few of them!
Ikon Republik- I live and travel in a frickin van and I love my life! I founded a magazine, VEGA Magazine. My magazine is full of beautiful nude women and its based around the idea of respect and soon it will include amazing articles on how to improve your life! Out of the last 8 months, I have spent 4 of them living in the desert, under the stars and cooking over a campfire that was made with two sticks and a bow. I believe in self sufficiency and integrity. Now you know a little about who I am. I’d love to know more about you! My plan to tour the USA and teaching a workshop in every state is almost finished and I’m excited to start this big adventure! It’s almost done!